At a Wednesday night performance, rock star and thunder god, Thor caused a fire due to his homemade pyrotechnics. 

“Forsooth,” the hirsute hero was quoted. “I hath wanted to presenteth a showing of epic scale, to blow the minds of my fans.”
The result: sevral third degree burns and heavy property damage to the venue.

Club owner, and entrepreneur Charlie Makoff made a statement following the disastrous show. “These Norse gods come in here, with their famous parents, and their lightning hammers, and think that they can run the show, well, now I got over ten thousand in damages to my livelihood.”

Thor has no plans to pay for the damages to the club, which he deemed as, “A rightful sacrifice to the altar of rock.”

No charges have been filed at this time, and a civil case is not expected, according to Charlie Makoff. “How to you sue a thunder god?” Makoff added.

7 Awsome Superpowers (Ruined by Science) is an article by Michael Smathers over at Cracked.com about why being a superhero may not be so cool after all.

Ever want to defend the rooftops of Gotham, but had to create s uperhero on a budget? The Cost of Outfitting a Real-life Batman will show you how, in three steps. All three parts come courtesy of the GreatWhiteSnark.com.

And finally, I have a comprehensive list of superhero powers from Wikipedia. This thing covers the full gamut of powers and sources for powers.

I am sad to warn that most of these power sources are actually lethal in real life, so DO NOT try them at home, office, or any other location.

If the Lord wanted you to fly, crawl up walls, or shoot radioactive fire, you would have come equipped to do so right out of the oven.

Scientists have discovered that a pig/human hybrid with wall-crawling abilities is the source of the Swine-Flu epidemic across the globe.

Perter Porker, who goes by the name of The Spectacular Spider-Ham, speaking from a quarantined bunker, admitted his role in the spread of the virus. “I had just gotten back from facing Ducktor Doom in Mexico, along with Goose Rider, and I suddenly felt faint. Next thing I knew, I had thrown up all over The Fantastic Fur and everything got out of control.”

The CDC was quick to subdue the anthropomorphic freak. Spokesperson and creator of the world’s first atomic powered hairdryer, May Porker offered comments at a press conference in Belgium. “I am shocked and appalled that this thing was allowed to live.”

When asked about the creation of the abomination against nature, May Porker could only say, “You know how it is. You’re working in a lab, you get irradiated, and suddenly you’re biting a spider who morphs into a pig-creature.”

Ironically, May Porker, also a pig-mutant herself, was subdued immediately following the press conference. Both creatures were killed and buried in the Hawaiian sand for a post-epidemic luau.

In other news, the man/deer superhero Deerdevil is a person of interest in several highway car accidents.

Canadian superhero, Northstar,  would like to assure everybody that he is neither Leonard Nimoy, nor is he Zahcary Quinto.

“Ever since the first trailer hit for the new ‘Trek’ movie, everybody and their brother has been asking if I am Spock.”  the hero, who’s real name is Jean-Paul Beaubier. “Look, I may be a mystic being, or a mutant… not sure on that right now. But I am sure I am not a Vulcan.”

Beaubier, who retired from professional skiing under accusations of using his mutant powers of speed and equilibrium to cheat, insists that beyond his pointy ears, there is no similarity between he and the fictional Trek character, Spock.

“Really, are either one of those guys able to emit light,” he adds, referring to his ablility borrowed from his sister, Aurora. “I’m pretty certain neither one of them is gay, either.”

When asked if the increased attention the movie has brought has bred any bitterness, Beaubier enthusiastically added, “Are you kidding? I’ve seen that movie twice already. That rocked my casbah.”

[Special thanks to Christathor for the scoop.]

More of the review WITH SPOILERS!!!! after the jump

Wolverine says, "Here comes the hotstepper"

Last year’s summer movie season started with a bang by showing us that a perfectly cast Robert Downey, Jr in a tin can could be a thoroughly good movie, not just for fanboys (and girls) but for the general populace.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine was not Iron Man. Not even close.

However it was a mildly enjoyable romp. Hugh Jackman had his amp turned up to 11, and Liev Schrieber was a pitch perfect blood lusting Victor Creed.

Make no mistake this movie is two things: Hugh Jackman and action, action, action.

We already knew Jackman could pull off Wolvie in his sleep. I went to see the supporting cast.

What drew me to the theater was the appearance of Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool, and in his VERY brief screentime he made me wish for a spin-off movie.  Then they played with my emotions by making him the final boss in what seemed like a movie geared more for a video game. They gave him the ability to take on other mutant powers, and jacked up his face. Okay the face is fine, that fits into the comic and still allows for a spin-0ff, and the teleporting portion was fine. But the katana IN his arm really threw it, and Cyclops’ optic blast stung a little.

Alas, Deapool ends up headless in the bottom of a nuclear reactor smokestack. (Hey, when I said spoilers, I wasn’t joking around.)

And the movie did careful work of hinting at other major X-characters, such as Storm and Nightcrawler (I think) as well as showing a young  Scott Summers, and a de-aged, but very creepy looking Professor Xavier, all without the side characters meeting Wolverine.

Some major plot holes include- How did people start calling him Logan. It just appears. 

How did they throw some fake blood on somebody and slow down a heartbeat, and still slide past Wolverine’s HYPER-SENSES. It would have been fine had they not made ample examples of his sensory prowess. He manages to smell Victor from at least a mile away, but he can’t smell the death on a corpse? HUH?

The main event for me came with Gambit, who was as hardcore as he should have been and a real match for Wolvie, as in the comics. His accent was faint enough to not be obnoxious (As in the 90′s X-Man cartoon) and his attitude was pure Remy. He even pulls off some show-stopping moves in his slightly limited screen time. You pretty much see his whole role via the trailers and TV spots, but it still pays off on the big screen.

In summary, the movie is a pure popcorn action flick, without the floty social commentary of the first two X-Men films, and far more faithful to the comics than the third X-Men flick. It would rank third out of four in the X-Men franchise, right behind X2, X-Men, and right before the amusing, but unfaithful Ratner film.

It’s something to see on the big screen, but don’t fight the crowds or pay full price. On DVD, wait for the bargain bin, or rent it first. Good action, fantastic supporting actors/characters, and all the Wolvie you can stand. But no real substance.

Written by comics scribe Warren Ellis, the story stands on it’s own two legs. WIth the right eyes, it could have been a fantastic conclusion to the series from the 80′s.

The only difference is a decidedly mature tone, a sense of real peril, the deaths of major characters, the ability to shoot bullets rather than lasers, the ability to shoot straight, and no parachutes when piloted vehicles exploded.

In short, it was the true potential of GI Joe which the live action movie will undoubtably ruin.

Ultimately it was pure excitement, but with the limited run time and sheer number of characters, some development was lacking, but not completely absent.

Check it out on Adult Swim.com and the you will know. And knowing is half the… oh, skip it.

SOS, fighting crime one burger joint at a time

The Surrey Comet has the full story of SOS, a real life Superhero. His powers include super-hearing and a mastery of the Wii sports boxing game.

SOS gained his powers in 1959 from a freak accident that went wrong.

The article did not that the World Superhero Registry listed over 300 active superheroes in the world.

A quick check of the registered heroes included Insignis, a member of The Black Monday Society who watches over the streets of Salt Lake City, Utah.

Also a Western themed hero call Geist, guardian of Rochester, MN.

According to Geist’s personal MySpace page:

I’m Geist, a real person doing something out of the ordinary and somewhat unorthodox to attempt to make my city of Rochester, Minnesota a better, kinder and safer place. My personal cause is the forgotten, those overlooked by mainstream society. If there is a crisis situation, I have training and equipment to aid myself and others. My equipment and methods are completely legal. I’m prepared to make Citizen’s Arrests if necessary. .

When phrased like that, it seems almost logical. These are people who generally want to contribute to the world, and want to look good doing it.

For thos einterested parties looking to pursue the RLSH (Real Life Super Hero) lifestyle. There is a comprehensive manual available online that covers everything from Acronyms, to costume basics and weaponry.

"Kiss The Ring, Ladies"

Hal Jordan here with some ring-wearing tips for the ladies.

How Long Does It Take To Grow A Goatee? Depending on how quickly your facial
hair grows, you can start seeing a noticeable goatee within several days or
thereabouts. It also depends on how long you decide to grow your goatee since
leaving it relatively short can be accomplished pretty quickly.

There ya go. And remember, full beards are for commie Gestapo facists.

tip made available fom Permanent Hair Removal Tips.com